healthy you:
FAMILY MATTERS
gettingbetter at, and how that skill will help him achieve
a specific goal,” says Bergen.
For example, instead of assuming your child
understands why he should bother with his vocabulary
homework, break it down for him: Explain how learning
new words will make him a better reader, which will
allow him to enjoy more books about the things he loves
and to understand what he’s reading more fully.
4 . W I N — A N D L O S E — T H E R I G H T W A Y
“Sports are the perfect forum for giving kids a taste of
both victory and defeat on a regular basis,” says Wolff.
“They can also set the stage for teaching your child how
to be happy for others’ successes and rise above their own
failures in the future.”
BRINGING IT HOME “Every time you win or lose in front of
your child—whether someone cut you off in traffic or
graciously let you merge into their lane—remember that
every personal gain or loss is a golden opportunity to
teach your child how to handle each with dignity,” says
Bergen. When he loses, be sympathetic. Judging him too
harshly may cause him to start creating lies about why he
didn’t do as well—from “the sun was in my eyes” to “my
teacher doesn’t like me.” You don’t want your children
learning to make up excuses or alibis when things go wrong.
“Instead, you want them to recognize that it’s entirely fine
when they don’t always perform at their best,” says Wolff.
5 . F E E D B A C K D O E S N ’T M E A N F A I L U R E
Good coaches know how to offer constructive feedback
in an uplifting way. This can make kids more respectful
and receptive when taking advice from others, even
their parents.
BRINGING IT HOME Many parents feel there’s no better
time to critique their child’s performance than
immediately after they’ve failed at something. “Skip the
postgame analysis,” says WTolff. “Immediately going over
all their mistakes only tunes kids out and can lead to
resentment, especially if your last words to them before
the game were ‘Just go out and have fun.’ ”
Regardless of how well she performed, always praise
your child for her effort and for the things she did right.
“Offeringhollow compliments that are too general, such as
‘you did great today,’ isn’t practical because it doesn’t point
to anything specific that kids can understand,” says Wolff.
“Reminding a child about what she did well makes her feel
more comfortable to discuss the rest of her performance
without feeling judged,” says Wolff. Once kids start talking
about the errors they made, always keep the conversation
positive. Acknowledge their failure by saying “It’s OK to be
upset. You did your best and I’m proud of you.”
“Knowing that you accept them—regardless of how well
they perform—will give your kids all the confidence they
need to succeed far beyond the playing field,” says Wolff. 6S)
SPORT TIPS
E v e r y P a r e n t
S h o u ld K n o w
Children learn best from sports that fit their personalities and talents—and
from having your support all through the process. Keep these tips in mind
when your child picks an activity, says Rick Wolff, sports parenting expert.
G u i d e , b u t a b i d e Y o u th ink y o u k n o w
exactly w h a t activity y o u r child w o u ld excel
at— a n d y o u m igh t be right— but d o n ’t let him
feel railroaded. “Eve n if y o u r child’s size, shape,
o r skills m ake him ideal fo r a specific sp o rt o r
activity, explore a variety w ith him s o h e can
se e his options,” sa y s W olff. Ultim ately, let him
m ake th e final d e cision a n d d o y o u r best to
su p p o rt his choice.
L e a r n t h e l i n g o O n c e y o u r child c h o o se s
a sp ort, e d u cate y o u rse lf a b o u t th e rules
o f th e gam e. “If y o u r child says sh e ’s playing
‘se c o n d h o m e ’ in lacro sse o r ‘fullback’ in
soccer, y o u sh o u ld k n o w w h a t sh e ’s talking
about,” sa y s W olff. “It n o t o n ly sh o w s y o u care
a b o u t w h at sh e ’s interested in, sh e ’ll a lso be
likely to sh a re w ith y o u m o re ofte n b e cau se
sh e ’ll k n o w y o u understand.”
K e e p y o u r e m o t i o n s e v e n “If y o u find
y o u rse lf m o re e m otio n al th an y o u r child is
a b o u t his s p o rt and/or begin m a k in g d e m a n d s
o f y o u r child, y o u m a y be takin g the g a m e
m u c h t o o seriously,” sa y s W olff. Instead o f
fo rc in g y o u r com p e titive spirit o n y o u r
children, try fin d in g y o u r o w n sp o rt o r
activity in w h ich to com pete.
20 4
JULY
2008
BETTER HOMES AND GARDENS
P H O T O : VEER
